Today, while sitting quietly at home, working on some official assignments and letting my mind wander through recent developments in the Zou context, a thought suddenly struck me - loyalty.
I picked up a pen and began jotting down a few thoughts, points and outlines on a piece of paper. As I reflected, several familiar sayings came to mind, each carrying a deeper truth about human relationships and the often-complicated nature of loyalty:
Once the rain is over, an umbrella becomes a burden to everyone.
When a blind man sees, the first thing he throws away is the stick that helped him all his life.
When the sun returns, the first thing they extinguish is the candle that guided them through the dark.
These metaphors are striking because they capture a painful reality of human behaviour. An umbrella is cherished during a storm, a walking stick is indispensable to someone who cannot see, and a candle becomes precious when darkness surrounds us. Yet, once the circumstances change and the need disappears, the very things that once provided protection, support and direction can suddenly be regarded as unnecessary.
And perhaps, in human relationships, it is not very different.
People may stand beside us when they need our support, seek our counsel when they are uncertain, depend upon our influence when doors are closed, and value our presence when circumstances are difficult. But when the benefit ends, the relationship sometimes ends with it. That is how, all too often, loyalty becomes conditional—remaining strong only for as long as there is something to gain.
Yet, as I continued to think about it, my conscience challenged this rather cynical understanding of loyalty.
Perhaps loyalty should not be measured by how closely someone stays while they need us. Perhaps it should be measured by whether they remain when they no longer do.
That led me to a more enduring conviction:
Real loyalty is staying when there is nothing left to gain.
This, I believe, is where the true meaning of loyalty begins. It is easy to remain beside someone when there is a benefit, an opportunity, an obligation or a dependency. The real test comes afterwards - when the storm has passed, when the darkness has lifted, when the need has disappeared, and there is no longer any personal advantage in staying.
It is in that moment that we discover whether a relationship was built on need or genuine regard, convenience or commitment, benefit or loyalty.
And perhaps, recent developments in the Zou context provide us with enough reason to pause, reflect and ask ourselves a difficult question: Are we loyal to people, principles and the community - or merely to the benefits we derive from them?
There is a painful truth about human relationships that we often learn only after being disappointed: some people are loyal not to us, but to what we can do for them. Their affection, respect and companionship may appear genuine while they need our presence. But once the need disappears, so does the attachment.
An umbrella is indispensable when the rain is pouring. It protects us from being drenched, shields us from discomfort and gives us a sense of security. Yet, when the clouds disappear and the sun comes out, the same umbrella becomes something to carry. What was once considered essential suddenly becomes a burden.
The same pattern can be seen in human relationships.
A person may stand beside us through difficult circumstances because we are useful to them. They may seek our advice when they are confused, our resources when they are struggling, our influence when they need access, or our companionship when they are lonely. During those moments, we may feel valued and important. We may mistake dependence for genuine affection.
But dependence and loyalty are not the same thing.
The metaphor of the blind man is even more profound. Imagine someone who has depended on a walking stick throughout his life. That stick has helped him navigate obstacles, cross difficult paths and remain independent. Then, one day, he gains his sight. The world opens before him. The very object that sustained him through years of darkness is suddenly discarded.
The stick did not become useless because it had failed him. It became unnecessary because his circumstances had changed.
This is how some people treat those who helped them during their darkest days.
When they were struggling, you were their strength. When they were lost, you were their direction. When doors were closed, you helped them find another entrance. When they had nothing, you shared what you had. You stood beside them when standing beside them brought you no advantage.
But when their situation improved, they moved on.
There is another powerful image: the candle.
A candle has little competition with darkness. Its entire purpose is to provide light when there is none. During the night, its flame becomes precious. People gather around it, depend upon it and follow the path illuminated by it.
But when the sun rises, the candle is extinguished.
Nobody asks whether the candle was faithful. Nobody remembers how long it burned. Nobody considers the wax it consumed or the heat it endured. The candle simply becomes unnecessary.
This is often the fate of those who help others through difficult seasons.
People remember the person who opened the door less often than they remember the room they entered.
That is why some relationships change dramatically when circumstances change. The person who once called every day may suddenly become unavailable. The person who once sought our opinion may stop asking. The person who once praised our importance may barely acknowledge our existence.
And perhaps the hardest realisation is this: sometimes we were never loved as much as we were needed.
There is nothing wrong with helping people. There is nothing wrong with being someone's umbrella, walking stick or candle during a difficult season. In fact, helping another person without expecting anything in return is one of the finest expressions of humanity.
The mistake is expecting everyone to possess the same depth of loyalty that we offered them.
True loyalty, however, is revealed after the need has disappeared.
A person who remains when they no longer need anything from you is different. They do not stay because of your money, influence, knowledge, connections or usefulness. They stay because they value you. They remember the person behind the assistance.
Such people are rare - and therefore precious.
We should also learn not to become bitter when people leave. Some relationships are seasonal. Some people enter our lives to teach us something, to walk with us for a particular distance, or to receive help during a particular chapter. When their journey takes them elsewhere, we cannot always force them to remain.
What we can do is recognise the lesson.
Do not measure your worth by how desperately someone needs you.
Your value does not disappear when someone no longer requires your help. An umbrella does not become worthless because the rain has stopped. A candle does not lose its significance because morning has arrived. A walking stick does not become a failure because the person who used it can finally walk without it.
Their usefulness has simply reached its natural end.
Likewise, if someone leaves after receiving everything they needed from you, their departure does not diminish the kindness you showed. It only reveals the nature of the relationship.
The deepest form of loyalty is not being present when someone is helpless. Almost anyone can appear close when there is something to gain.
Real loyalty is staying when there is nothing left to gain.
That is when friendship becomes friendship, gratitude becomes gratitude, and love becomes something more than convenience.
So, help people. Be the umbrella in their storms. Be the candle in their darkness. Be the walking stick when they cannot find their way.
But never forget this:
Your purpose is not to remain someone's shelter forever.
When the rain stops, fold your umbrella.
When the person can see, let them walk.
When the sun rises, let your candle rest.
And if they walk away after the darkness has passed, let them go without regret.
Because sometimes the ending of someone's dependence is not the ending of your worth.
It is simply proof that you helped them survive the storm.
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